


Favourite Worst Nightmare

by blindedbynostalgia (larryismyloveandlife)



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:52:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryismyloveandlife/pseuds/blindedbynostalgia
Summary: Ryan’s breakthrough comes with Unsolved. He doesn’t feel like such a failure anymore for still working at Buzzfeed instead of being the next Steven Spielberg, and even his paycheck is starting to show that.But like all things in Ryan’s life nowadays, Shane Madej just has to ruin it.Or: the one where Brent and Shane conspire to destroy Ryan’s life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is my first (real) attempt at writing. any constructive criticism and feedback would be greatly appreciated!
> 
> title is from the Arctic Monkeys' song "D is for Dangerous" (i've actually made a playlist with some songs that i've been listening to while writing this fic, you can click [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/vanessa115/playlist/4xXBw68EmIztadlNpMWuTU?si=5zxE-2KsRQu1XAlr4mVk_w) if you want to check it out!)

“I’m sorry Ryan, there aren’t any other Buzzfeed employees currently available to co-host your show. I know you two haven’t gotten along so well in the past, but I’m sure you’ll find a way to make this work-unless of course you want Unsolved to be cancelled before it’s even completed its first season. That would be a shame, don’t you think?” Deborah’s smile shows off her stupid porcelain teeth and I remind myself that I have to force a smile as well-she is technically my boss, after all.

“Y-yes, definitely! I-”

“Great, I will let Shane know that you’re on board then! That will be all, thank you.” She states and immediately reaches for the phone, thus showing me the door before I have a chance to reply.

* * *

“God, this is all your fault you asshole, how dare you laugh at my pain!” I exclaim animatedly, pushing Brent’s chest with my Bud Light-alas, it only causes him to laugh even harder. “No, you know what? This situation requires more alcohol, and _you’re_ paying” I grin and proceed to order two whiskeys neat.

“I guess I deserve that” the bastard chuckles. “But I seriously don’t get what your deal is. I mean you already know Shane from those Test Buddies videos, right?”

“It was Test _Friends_ , and yeah that’s the problem; I already know him! And I don’t even get why he’d agree to participate in a show about the paranormal, for crying out loud! I bet he did it just for shits and giggles, honestly” I say exasperatedly. Sometimes I truly wish I was one of those people who dozed off when they were drunk, instead of spilling their guts out.

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you still hate him because of that time he showed the whole office that hilarious rap atrocity you made like, a decade ago!”

“First of all, what happened to your promise about never mentioning this again?” I feign shock. "And I don’t _hate_ him, Brent! We just, we have zero chemistry. And frankly, I don’t think he likes me all that much. I’m just worried about how this will affect the show” I blurt out, regretting it immediately as a worried expression starts to form on my friend’s face.

“Look, I’m really sorry I had to leave. I know Unsolved is your brainchild and you’ve worked hard to convince Buzzfeed to even give it a shot, okay? But so far it’s been successful, and I highly doubt Shane will change that whatsoever, so lighten up dude! And it’s not like you have to actually _like_ the guy, just try to tolerate him for the cameras, alright? You’ve done this before, you can do it again!” he takes another sip from his scotch, and signals two more to the bartender.

* * *

“Good morning fellow colleague! I see you’re quite eager to work with me once again” Shane, that despicable human being, has the audacity to say to me at 7pm on a Monday morning.

“Oh geez, what gave it away? Was it my frown or the fact that I’m already on my second cup of coffee?”

“Hey, fyi, I’m not thrilled about hosting some ridiculous ghost-hunting show with you either!”

“Then why did you agree to take the job? You’d have spared us both this misery!” I can’t help but raise my voice a bit, earning me a few startled looks from the crew.

“Because I can’t just refuse a job offer, Ryan! I’m sorry to rain on your parade, but I have to pay my bills somehow! And really, I’d say I’m doing you a favor, since you didn’t exactly have many other alternatives, did you?”

“Great, thanks, I’ll make sure to send you a gift basket! Just, please, can you not fuck this up for me?”

“As a matter of fact yes, my life’s work isn’t to ruin yours and I’m actually here to do my job.” He sneers and I have to take a deep breath before deciding against punching him square in the face-or any action that would possibly open me up to a potential lawsuit, for that matter.

“Good, so we’re both on the same page here. I’ll take the first step as the mature adult and walk you through my notes for today’s episode so you won’t be completely clueless before we begin shooting, if you don’t mind.” I wince, mentally cursing myself-he’s supposed to be the sarcastic prick, not me. “It’s about the Illuminati!” I add, a little more excitedly.

“Can’t wait!” he tries-and fails-to suppress his laughter, and, yeah, okay, I suppose this is the reaction I expected. This is going to be fun.

* * *

It goes even worse than I imagined, if that’s even possible. Before the cameras start rolling, I explicitly ask Shane to try to keep his skepticism at bay until I have presented at least some of the facts. And, naturally, he interrupts me during the first five seconds to declare that the Illuminati, the very thing we’re discussing in this video, “is not a thing”. Which I anticipated, more or less. What I didn’t anticipate however, was him having to take two breaks because my “serious voice” cracked him up.

We end up with almost an hour of footage, most of which are comprised of Shane chewing his sandwich obnoxiously loudly in the middle of the video (we thought we could edit that out later. We couldn’t.) or me researching some stupid cloned sheep to prove him wrong (I didn’t).

The end result turns out fairly satisfying nonetheless, and after it’s uploaded I’m relieved to discover that the audience seems to react positively to Shane. Which, well. I can see why. The guy comes off as likable-hell, I’m ashamed to admit that he even made me laugh quite a few times in the span of fifteen minutes. Our executive producer approves it as well, says he finds our banter “hilarious” and that he “loves the balance Shane’s cynicism brings to the show.” Whatever. I’m just glad that you can’t tell how much I want to bang his giant head against the table.

Okay, so, in retrospect, maybe it doesn’t go _that_ bad. And the good news is that since this was the season’s finale, I won’t even have to see him again for a couple of blissful months.

Or so I think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. the first chapter is done! i will try to update weekly, especially during the summer! as i said, any feedback or questions are welcome and appreciated!
> 
> btw for anyone wondering, ryan's (actually life-changing) rap video can be found [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tb0JLhugZPk)


	2. Chapter 2

It’s only been about a month since we wrapped up the season when a call wakes me up at 9.43 in the morning-which wouldn’t be so cruel if I didn’t have a terrible hangover from the night before. I reach out for my phone in the pitch-black darkness of my room and curse under my breath when I accidentally drop it on the floor. Eventually I manage to pick it up, ready to unleash my wrath against whoever is on the other end.

“Hey Ryan! What’s up?” a chipper and awfully familiar voice catches me off guard.

“What the actual fuck Shane?”

“Good morning to you too!” he chuckles, which irritates me even more. “I take it you’re wondering why I’m calling you?”

“Just-get to the point.” I begrudgingly put on my slippers, figuring that I won’t be able to go back to sleep anytime soon.

“Alright, so I was thinking, seeing as we’re doing a show together now, maybe we should… have a talk?”

“Okay… I’m listening.”

“No, not over the phone! How’s noon?”

“If I didn’t know you, I’d say you were asking me out on a date.” I smirk, hoping to throw the fucker for a loop. My smile widens when I hear him fumbling for words.

“Wha-you wish! I’m merely suggesting that we meet up to discuss work-related matters!”

“Just text me the address and I’ll be there.” I hang up. Hungover me is kind of a bitch.

* * *

 

Apparently Shane’s idea of a place appropriate for a serious conversation is an old diner on the outskirts of the city, whose half-decaying sign informs me that it was built in 1959. As I walk inside, I realize that its clientele has seemingly remained the same since then. Oh, except for Shane, who starts to wave at me from a corner booth.

“I always knew you were planning to murder me some day but come on, this is unacceptable even for you, I’m genuinely offended.” I remark as I struggle to fit my legs in the tiny booth.

“Now, this isn’t the way to start a professional discussion.” He clicks his tongue.

“Shut up Shane. Why the hell did you have to drag me in the middle of nowhere to talk about the show while I was enjoying my time off?”

“Well you don’t seem to be enjoying it all that much, judging by the bags under your eyes-or maybe you’re enjoying it a bit too much.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “By the way, you can go ahead and order something if you want, I couldn’t wait.” He grins and slurps down the rest of it.

“I was only like ten minutes late, and that’s because you chose this stupid diner in the most remote part of L.A.”

“Hey, I love this diner! You know what? I refuse to have any further discussion until you’re not so cranky anymore.” Shane says and goes on to call the waitress before I can argue with him.

“What can I get you?” an old woman with weary eyes and a welcoming smile chirps.

“He’ll have the specialty.” He replies for me, and I feel like I’m not getting something.

“Ohh trying to impress him now, aren’t you Shano?” she winks at him and walks away.

“Do I want to know what the specialty is?” I joke, after noticing that his cheeks seem a bit redder than usual-or maybe it’s just my blinding headache.

“Nope, only that you’ll be thanking me after you eat it. It’s my number one cure for hangovers.”

“Shit, is it _that_ apparent?” I sigh.

“Oh yeah, your dark circles are huge.”

The waitress saves him as she places a huge plate full of sausages, bacon, eggs and a stack of pancakes with maple syrup on the table.

“Enjoy your meal!” she says in a sing-song voice and pats me on the back while I’m already stuffing my face with a deliciously fluffy pancake.

“Thanks Martha!” Shane responds warmly and then diverts his attention to me. “Hey, take it easy man, I don’t want you to choke on a sausage and then actually be accused of killing you!” he snorts.

“Fuck, this is so good!” I moan as I fork another helping of eggs into my mouth. “Anyway, what exactly did you want to talk about?”

“Right, so I was thinking, since we’re going to have to deal with each others’ presence for the duration of the show, we might as well try to make it more bearable for both of us. Like, can’t we just be civil with each other?”

“I think we managed it today, for the most part.”

“Oh yeah, look at us! We can definitely be in close proximity and survive.”

“Can’t guarantee that you will…” I murmur.

“What was that? Nevertheless, at the very least we can’t constantly argue with each other while we’re filming-I mean, who’d want to watch that? Oh, and one more thing: I won't ever have to pretend that I believe in ghosts, right? Because this is where I draw the line. You may be a good actor Ryan but trust me, I’m not.”

“But… it’s not an act.” I blink.

“Save it for the cameras.” He laughs, and I get more annoyed.

“No, I seriously think ghosts exist. And demons, for that matter, along with other supernatural entities. Do you have a problem with that?” I put down my fork and meet his eyes.

“So what you’re essentially saying here is that you, an educated person in his twenties, believes in the tooth fairy.”

“No, you know what, fuck you Shane!” I exclaim and get up to leave, while searching for my wallet. “I don’t even get why I agreed to come here.”

“No, look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. There’s nothing wrong with you believing in whatever you want, I was simply taken aback. And, in my defense, it _is_ quite the bold statement.”

“It’s not, there are many people who share my beliefs! Mock me all you want, but there are countless pieces of evidence that support my claims!”

“Whatever you say, big guy. What do you say we end this on a high note?” He smiles sheepishly and leaves a twenty on the table.

“I can pay for my food, Shane.” I roll my eyes.

“I know you can. I just-let me do this, as a small, friendly gesture? You can pay next time.”

“Do you really want a repeat of this?” I grimace.

“Why not?”

“You’re a strange human being, Shane Madej.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of my constant worries while i'm writing this is that i make them kinda sound like assholes at certain parts? ugh hopefully it doesn't come off like that


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm currently in a hurry bc i'm leaving for vacation so pls excuse any mistakes! enjoyy

I decide to make the most of the time I have left before I get back to work and give in to my roommates’ insistence on going with them to Spain. Which turns out to be a great call, disregarding the fact that I got mugged on our first day there. I also get to visit my family when I get back, which causes me to realize how much I’ve truly missed not having to do the laundry every day. All in all, a pretty productive five and a half weeks.

So I’m in a good mood when I walk into the office on a hot September day. I greet everyone with a hug and make vague plans with Steven to play basketball and catch up. I clean up my desk and organize my files alphabetically. I do some research on a particularly gruesome murder that Dan’s text informed me about-along with a single monocle emoji. I’m in a very productive mood, and that is not _at all_ because Shane isn’t coming back from Illinois for another week. I’m still buzzing when Deborah calls me into her office, despite not knowing what she wants to talk about. Probably my plans for the next season, but when it comes to her you never know, so I opt for two gentle knocks.

“Hi, you wanted to see me?”

“Yes, have a seat.” She motions me towards one of the black leather armchairs. “So, as you most likely know by now, the higher-ups are very optimistic about the future of the show. In fact, they are planning to increase funding significantly, so that you can film in exterior locations. In other words, you can take trips now! Related to the cases you’ll be exploring of course, and only in the U.S., but still, how exciting is that!” She exclaims, her eyes actually gleaming-possibly because of the promotion she’s expecting to get if Unsolved becomes even more profitable. “I’ve even taken the liberty of printing out a few places with an interesting history that you could visit.” She hands me the paper, a smile still plastered on her face.

Wow, this is what success must feel like.

* * *

 

I’m in high spirits the rest of the day and decide to take another look at Deborah’s list on my way home. The Waverly Hills Hospital seems terrifying from the get-go, so that’s a definite no. Apart from that, there are some obvious tourist attractions, and some that give me the creeps just by looking at the photos. And then it occurs to me. Travelling would mean spending way more time with Shane than necessary. I’m debating politely declining the offer and suffering the consequences, when I notice that I’ve forgotten to get off the bus. Great, now I have to walk five blocks.

This is the last time Shane will-indirectly or not-mess up my life. The show is going much better than I hoped it would, so why I can’t I relish it? Fuck this, I won’t jeopardize my career due to some childish feud.

* * *

 

“You know Ryan, when you said we’d be going to a haunted house this… wasn’t what I had in mind, but I’m pleasantly surprised.” Shane says and, as much as it pains me, I have to agree with him. I’d find the Winchester House beautiful too, if I didn’t know it was haunted. Not that the huge signs out front are easy to miss. However, I can’t admit this out loud.

“I bet you’ll have a different opinion when the lights go out.”

“I _highly_ doubt that.”

And the smug bastard isn’t lying. He doesn’t look frightened, not for a second. And somehow, that makes me more agitated than the actual house.

“How can you not be afraid!” I suddenly break the silence that was starting to get uncomfortable. “I mean, yeah okay, in theory you don’t believe in ghosts, whatever. But now you’re inside a house where people have died. Does that not freak you out, like, at all?”

“People have died everywhere, Ryan. Just because this place is marketed as a haunted house doesn’t mean there’s something different about it.”

“Oh, so your house has a door that opens to a drop on the outside from the second floor too?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“You’re ridiculous.” I sigh, marking the end of our conversation.

* * *

 

“You’re an asshole.” I mumble, fluffing my pillow. Why does sleeping in hotels have to be so uncomfortable?

“For locking you in that closet or for scaring you in the basement?” Shane puts down his phone and turns to face me with a playful expression.

“For everything! You’re just an asshole, in general.”

“Well, thank you for sharing your thoughts.” He says, a smile playing on his lips that I’d really like to wipe off.

“That’s all you have to say? What do I have to do to get a reaction out of you?”

“Nothing, my unyielding stoicism is part of the package.”

“A package I didn’t order, though.”

“Well you better appreciate it nonetheless. Others would kill for that package.” He grins and gestures to his abnormally long limbs, which causes me to wheeze, and then cough to cover it up.

“Shane?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do we even hate each other?” I ask softly.“It’s like, I can’t even remember what started this.”

“I know right? One day we were getting along fine and the next it was like we couldn’t agree on anything!”

“Well... I think, for me, it’s always been not so much that I don’t like you, as that I feel like you dislike _me_.” I confess, immediately feeling small.

“What? Ryan, what gave you the impression that I don’t like you?” Shane kind of looks like he’s been punched in the gut, and for once I feel bad for him.

“I don’t know… I guess the fact that you seem so, so chill all the time, like you’re unaffected by everything. I can’t read you man! Do you know how intimidating that can be?” I throw up my hands exasperated.

“Ryan, trust me, I like you. I’ve never not liked you-although I’ve come close to killing you many times. I just can’t help messing with you. But I can stop, if it’s bothering you.”

“Nah, it’s fine.”

“Good, because I enjoy it too much! Hey-ow!” I throw one of my pillows at his leg. It was itchy anyway.

“Goodnight Shane.”

“Goodnight Ryan.”


End file.
